Time

Is it finally time to say goodbye? Is it time to place my mother in a care facility? How much is too much? Over seven years, have we finally reached our peak? Do I call the doctor to make the arrangements or do I take a step back and realize these emotions are simply stress?

I take a step back and realize that no matter how bad it becomes, and it does get bad on occassion I couldn't live with myself if I placed my mom somewhere. I would be an emotional wreck.Life is hard enough, but with all the crap I put up with seeing my mom smile in the morning makes it ok to start another day.

What is Normal?

I would put you in a home if I could right now. That is what I said to my mother last night after her yammering for more than an hour and having my husband tell me that this is not the life he wanted to live.

Did I mean it? When I said it I will admit I did, or at least part of me did. I get so tired of everyone wanting something and nobody getting anything. I want my life back, I want to have fun without having to worry that I need to get home to give my mom her medication because no one else can do it. I know I sound selfish, but come on, it’s been 7 years.

When will it be my turn? And what will I think about when my turn finally comes?